When I was 14 or 15, I wrote the ten qualities I wanted in a husband. If someone didn’t have my full list of qualities, it made it easy to say no to continuing or pursuing a relationship. In my mid 20’s, when I couldn’t find a guy, I would go back to that list and be like, okay, finding somebody with all of these is going to be really hard. I just have to be patient and wait. It was hilarious, because I would go on blind dates and group outings all the time. Guys would be like, “so what are you looking for?” and I would answer honestly, “A Husband. What are you looking for?”
And I knew. The second I said those words, their faces would pale, they became speechless. Clearly, they were not looking for a wife, tonight, in this bar. I knew I had things to accomplish and life and wanted an actual partner. “Step up or step off, I have things to do.” I could compare someone to that list and determine how much time or energy I wanted to put into them and a relationship. So, if someone didn’t meet all 10 of my requirements, I had zero guilt in walking away. I had zero issues with moving on. I had this list that I wrote for myself and knew that as long as i stayed true to myself and to my list, that I would be fine. I allowed myself to explore career options, I finished my college education, I moved multiple times, across states, and knew exactly who I was and what I wanted in life.
When I met my current husband, I actually knew his best friend first. In talking to HBFF, I learned that he was in IT, had a solid job, and was a genuinely nice guy. He offered to set us up on a blind date and make it a double date with him and his then GF (now wife). We went bowling that night and exchanged numbers.
We went to a couple of movies with a huge group of friends. He was / is slow to warm up and it took us a while to actually get connected. I asked him to help me fix my laptop on FB and almost wrote him off, because he never responded to my message.
After what felt like forever (it was like 2 weeks…), he responded and offered to help me fix my laptop. Finally, I thought, my laptop would survive longer than 2 minutes without being plugged in! Eventually, he asked me to do dinner, “and not be chaperones”. He “cooked” me dinner at his place and that was it.
We’ve now been married for over 6 years, have a pre-school age daughter, and have way more fun than I ever imagined. I think back on those crazy days and I am so thankful for my list and patience.